This World Race blog has been a major part of the transformation that God has done in me over the last 2 years. Having a place where I can share my stories with you, hear what is going on in your hearts, and be encouraged by your words -has made a huge impact on the faith that the Lord has been building into me.
This page tells so many stories of so many beautiful, and difficult times. It holds a lot of memories, reflects upon the brokenness I've walked through, and echoes words that the Lord has spoken to me. There are testimonies of His faithfulness on this page that have shaped my life forever.
Now... I am officially home, and officially off of the World Race (technically... I mean... my heart is still in Kenya with THE Q, I'll still be going out to visit them in India/Nepal and Romania/Ukraine, but I'm basically off the field...)
It's a new season. A VERY new season. Everything is going to be different. Where I will be, who I will be with, what I'll be doing, and who God is making me to be... it's. all. different. Along with these changes, I will be wrapping up this blog-site for the most part and moving over to my personal blog. I love writing. I love blogging. But most of all, I love that you read it!
I will continue to post on this site as it pertains to the race. i.e. when I go to India or when I make a major life decision (if ever). But most of my random thoughts and encounters with my Papa will be at the other site.
Thank you so so much for following me for the last 2 years, 1 year, few months... or hey... thank you even if this is the first blog you've ever read of mine! I am so excited to embark on this new journey, and I can't wait to see what's next <3
I have a deep love for any sort of creativity.
For me, it's worship.
For
a while now, I've had a desire to pursue art in most every form and
fashion. I love writing, of course, and that will always be the outlet
in which I express myself most clearly, but I really love all kinds of
art. I'm kind of a closet artist. I'm not saying that I'm very good at
it, and that I've kept my talents hidden from the world only to unveil
them at the perfect time, but I am saying that for a long time… until
recently… I kept any and all artwork that I produced to myself. Why?
Insecurities.
I
remember a few years ago, someone said something in passing that just
kind of stuck with me. The guy I was dating at the time was a singer… a
really good one. A friend of mine mentioned how talented he was, and
without any ill-intentions, said that “it must be awesome to be with
someone so talented… like… he's the singer… and you're the support.”
For whatever reason, that struck a chord and nailed insecurities into my mind and heart. I heard it over and over.
He's the singer. You're not.
So,
I stopped singing. It doesn't help that nearly everyone I know is an
outrageously gifted artist, but I began believing that lie about a lot
of things. Before leaving for the Race, I was a part of an art college
ministry at my church where people could come and display their
artwork. I remember always wanting to come and display something, but
had this sinking feeling that…
I wasn't the singer. I wasn't the artist. I wasn't the writer. I wasn't the photographer. I wasn't the designer.
Being on the World Race changed a lot of things.
I
remember the first time someone approached me after worship at training
camp and told me that I had a beautiful voice. It didn't stop there. My
I-squad family, through their encouragement and affirmation, broke lies
off of me without even knowing it. I began singing again. I sang in
front of churches, random groups of people, and during worship time
with the squad. But it wasn't even about the opinion of my voice being
good or not, it was the way they spoke into my identity. I am a
daughter of the King, and I am His beloved. He has gifted me and called
me into greatness. He has made me a worshiper.
I have stories like that for all kinds of things. Photography, painting, drawing, making my own clothes, cooking, sewing, music…
even writing.
I'm entering into the quiet place.
I spent the morning
worshiping to Will Reagan and United Pursuit Band. As I was on my
knees, I began thanking the Lord for all sorts of things that were on
my heart. I thanked Him for my friends in the Philippines, I thanked
Him for the women I know in Thailand, I thanked Him for my family, for
The Q, for the people who have invested so much love and time into me…
I knelt down and wept in thankfulness.
I felt such a deep intimacy
with the Lord, almost like we were cuddling. Then He put his giant arms
around me and pulled me into a room. The walls in the room were made of
stone, and the door was made of stone as well. There was nothing in the
room except for Him and I. He brought me in and closed the door behind
me. It was completely dark, but I was not afraid. Then, in the corner,
I saw a flame. It was growing slowly, never flickering… it was steady.
The Quiet Place.
Intimacy with Him.
A Growing Flame.
I'd say that pretty much
sums up the season that I'm in. Part of that growing flame is the
passion He has put inside of me creatively. I'm more of a “Jack of all
trades, master of none,” so I know I'm not going to be a world renown
artist. But I love it. I love connecting with the Lord that way, and I
love expressing what He is doing in my heart through the arts. I'm
tired of living in insecurity and lies. So what if I'm not the best? I
never want that to hold me back from pursuing the things He has placed
a flame inside of me for.
He
has given me SO many dreams. They're SO much bigger than me. But I
refuse to let fear and insecurity hold me back from pursuing any one of
those dreams. Even something as small as painting a picture.
What are your dreams, and what is holding you back?
I'm back! Being home has been wonderful, and I can't wait to share it all with you! I will be posting soon on that... but for now... check out this blog written by Andrew Bennett from my beloved Q. They seriously rock my world. Such an incredible story of faith, healing, and the power of God!
Two weeks ago, while praying, I believe God spoke to me. This is what I wrote in my journal on Christmas Eve: "Most growth and learning come when you practice, try, and do what you've learned. Experience. I want you out in public, in the open practicing what I've taught you in the secret place. There, lies the breakthrough that you crave."
God of Wonders
While this is a very simple concept, I've realized that I have not been as obedient as I've thought. I regularly read various stories in the bible, different verses, different commands, and unfortunately it often does not go much further than this.
For Example, the Book of Matthew 9:35 says, " Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people." This verse is not talked about or preached on very often, but it is in the bible. In addition, the Book of Ephesians 5:1 says that we are to be, "be imitators of God." Putting these two verses together we can see that, as believers, we are not only supposed to preach the gospel, but we are supposed to heal EVERY sickness and EVERY disease. How can we believe God for one and not expect the other?
Me and the boys
Since coming to Africa, my beliefs have been stretched and challenged in new ways. Each day the 7 of us, along with our ministry contacts, walk through the villages of Elderot, Kenya, sharing the gospel from house to hut, answering questions, and always praying for people.
Talking with the locals as they did their laundry
One day while walking through a village, we were asked to come into a man's house to pray for his wife, Irene. Two weeks prior to this, Irene's child had died while she was giving birth. Irene was now in intense pain, both physically and emotionally since the child died. Something in her hip had either broken or was severely damaged, which kept her from being able to move her leg, walk, or even sleep at night.
My new friend
As the 7 of us gathered around her, we laid hands on her and asked the God of the universe to touch Irene. We declared her body to be healed and restored in the name of Jesus! When we finished praying for her, we looked at her face to see what had happened. A smile came over her face and she said she was ALL BETTER! We asked her to check herself out and she proceeded to stand up, move her leg, walk, and squat up and down.
The 7 of us with Irene, to the right of me!
It was a special moment for all of us, realizing that Jesus had just healed this woman! We gathered around her again to pray that God would continue to heal her heart and take away the pain from the loss of her child. We walked back home that late afternoon with our faith grown and in awe of Jehovah Raffa, the God Who Heals!
To be perfectly honest, more often than not, I do not see people healed when praying for them. What does this mean? Do miracles just sometimes happen or are they something we need to contend for until we see breakthrough?
When reading the gospels, we see that Jesus healed ALL who came to Him. Jesus was the exact image of God and came to reveal the Will of God to the world! Just maybe it is God's will that ALL are healed, both physically and mentally and the problem lies on our end...are we contending for breakthrough or have we become content with the status quo?
Good Morning to all of my friends and family in the U.S!! I pray you are waking up to snow, family, delicious food... and most of all... just a bunch of LOVE.
I love you all! Christmas is winding down here in Cambodia and let me tell you-- it was amazing! So much love packed into one place. I got to cook and bake, so I was in my element... dancing to Christmas music and "taste-testing" everything as I went. I love THE Q, I love Cambodia, I love that Jesus came, I love the holidays. So much love.
I wanted to post and say MERRY CHRISTMAS and I LOVE YOU!
Thank you SO much for loving me, supporting me, and encouraging me along the way. Each one of you-- my family, my supporters, my friends... or just people who have randomly stumbled upon this blog and decided to pray for me-- you have all been a HUGE part of my life and a huge part of the journey the Lord has me on. I am thankful for that, and I love you!
So enjoy the weather (it's still hot here-- no snow miracle), enjoy the amazing food (I'll miss grammies chocolate peppermint cookies), enjoy the family (ugh I can't wait to see all of you!), and enjoy the fact that you are LOVED beyond understanding by the King of Glory!
Being here, I'm
seeing more and more everyday... this is real. This is raw. This is
life for these people. And let me tell you, there is NOTHING glamorous
about the life they live. There is nothing glamorous about pooping in a hole that reeks of feces and urine and is infested with maggots and flies. There is nothing glamorous about malnutrition. There is nothing glamorous about bathing in and drinking water infested with parasites. And there is nothing glamorous about begging just to survive.
This Christmas was one that I will never forget.
God revealed to us in such a deep way that we have been
too distracted to really understand what it means for Christ to have
come into this world. As we sat in the dark room full of mosquitoes and
flies, eating our Christmas feast of rice and beans, we talked about
the lives that we have chosen for ourselves this year. We talked about
family Holiday traditions, the tasty treats we missed the most, and
how... in all of that... we had all missed the point.
This year was so different. SO different. And it
changed the way that I will celebrate Christmas FOREVER. I thought about what would honor God the
MOST on his birthday. Jesus came and humbled himself. He sacrificed holiness in
heaven for the flesh. He came to rescue us from our wickedness. He came
to love the hard to love. He was born into rejection. For what? To LOVE
and to SERVE us. What would honor Christ the most on this day? To love and serve Him right back. And what
does he say about that? He says that when we feed, clothe, and care for "the least of these", we're doing that for Jesus. So, we love and serve each other.
This Christmas: A message from a friend in Haiti
"Christmas is a time of reflection, sharing and family gathering. It is
also a time of lights, Christmas trees and festivities. As we ponder
over our lives on this Christmas day, please don't forget about those
who are dying of hunger in the streets of Africa. As we walk into the
stores to buy our presents, please don't forget about those who are
stuck to a hospital bed and don't even have anyone to care for them. As
you gather with your family, please don't forget about those whose
families have been destroyed by wars and violence. As we light up the
lights, please don't forget about those who live in the dark and can
only light up a candle to find their way around. As we hit the roads to
our favorite Christmas parties, please remember our brothers and
sisters who have been living under the tents in the middle of the
filthy roads in Port-au-Prince without food or water while a cholera
epidemic is rapidly making its way into lives.
We all have great
reasons to celebrate Christmas but also the responsibility to remember
or reach out to those who Christmas Day just seems like any other day." -Diony Paillant (HCM)
This Christmas: Cambodia
Yesterday the festivities really began. We put up a couple trees, cut out snowflakes and hung them from the chandeliers, colored and cut construction paper in the shape of stockings and hung them from our whiteboard, and began baking the apple pie. If you haven't already gathered it from that sentence, where we are staying... is really nice. The street we live on is totally third-world, poverty-stricken madness-- but our place is unbelievably nice. Christmas in Cambodia is going to be a lot of fun. We're getting half of the squad together (We are going to miss you Team Surge, Undignified, and Spare Ribs!!) to celebrate. Steph Tyrna and her three lovely roommates are joining us, and the four of us squad leaders will be together as well. I am really excited. Tricia and I have been playing Christmas music all month, I've been making cards, and we've laughed about the skinny Khmer Santa selling ice cream at City Mall many-a-time. They squad has asked me a few times about my Christmas last year on the Race.
As you can tell from the beginning of this blog, Christmas was a little rough last year, and I said that it would change the way that I celebrate Christmas FOREVER. That's a bold statement. So, has it? As I read back over that and then thing about the way that I've begun to celebrate Christmas this year, I wonder if it has. I mean, sure I'm in Cambodia-- a place of INTENSE need-- but somehow we've managed to have a fairly decorated holiday. So what does it mean to have my Christmas changed forever-- even when I'm NOT sitting in the bush of Africa with absolutely nothing but my toothbrush and a bug-infested tent? I'm figuring that out. I'm taking what I learned from last year, and I am just going to love and serve the mess out of my squad, but I'm realizing that it's not always possible to simply eliminate the distractions-- rather, it's a choice to not let them become distractions.
In the midst of the celebration, it's about heart-posture.
When I think back to the shepherds and the wise men, I think about how they traveled so far just to seek the King that was being born in Bethlehem. When they got there, that's when the real celebration started. They worshiped, gave gifts, and rejoiced together. So this Christmas, I'm keeping it that simple. I'm seeking Him, and then I'm going to celebrate and rejoice in His presence.
He is the Hope that Malawi needs. He is the Hope that Haiti needs. He is the Hope that the world needs. He is the Hope that we need, too. So I think that this year, I'm learning that honoring Him looks like being in His presence, and taking the time to listen to and worship Him. Because if we want to bring that Hope to the world, we've got to be drenched in His presence. He sent Jesus down, and that's why we celebrate Christmas. But now, we're supposed to be Jesus-- and what better way to begin than in His presence? He was the light and the hope, and the same thing is in us.
How are you celebrating this Christmas?
Listen to Him and be in His presence. It's not just a matter of saying a simple prayer before you all open presents, it's about truly being IN His presence. He might just speak to you, too <3
Every World Race Alumni reading this ...just smiled. Because they know. They know this question all too well.
In response to this question, I smile.
I smile because I think it's funny that our mindset is more about doing, and not about being. No one asks "Who are you going to be when you get home?", which I happen to think is a phenomenal question. So often we are much more concerned with what we're doing then who we are.
However, "What are you going to do when you get home?" is still a valid question.
My answer: I'm going to hit the ground running. That's always going to be my answer.
There's a lot of work to be done, and I have had opportunities to encounter many of those needs firsthand. God has given me abilities, dreams, resources, and relationships that will help me to pursue the Kingdom work He has laid out for us. It's not a matter of needing time to rest. I am rested. I am refreshed. I am ready to go. Doing Kingdom work doesn't have to be tiring at all. In fact, it's the most life-giving way of living that I can think of. When you remain in Him like it talks about in John 15, you don't end up burnt out, exhausted, or fried. You end up renewed. You end up with a fire in you that you can't contain or control.
Now... "what does that look like?" seems to be a more appropriate question. It wouldn't be fair to say that I know, and it wouldn't be fair to say that I don't.
What I know: My family. They have been my biggest supporters. Emotionally, spiritually, and even financially, they have laid down their lives to serve God-- and a big chunk of that has been through supporting me. Especially over the last two years.
I have a deep desire to honor them. I understand that I will have the opportunity to honor them in different ways for the rest of my life, but for this season, it's pretty specific. I want to be with them, to honor them by sharing stories about what God has done through them supporting me. I want to serve them and love them better than I ever have before. I want to be around to do little (and big) things that will take a load off of their backs. I completely believe that we are to honor our parents, and this is the number one desire on my heart for this next season. So I will be spending most of this winter with my family.
I will also be taking that time to prepare for Spring. Springtime= GOtime. There are several projects developing. Whether that be merely in my own mind (for now), or meaning that there are actually projects starting up that I have the opportunity to be a part of. During the time with my family, I will be readying myself for the season ahead. I believe that God has spoken to me on multiple occasions about what is to come, and I am ready to go for it.
This will be a time of retreat with the Lord. I am taking time away to listen.
----------
Like Martin Luther King Jr. said in his famous last speech,
"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't
matter to me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody,
I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now.
I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked
over. And I've seen the promised land...."
I know who I am. I know where I am going. I've seen glimpses of the promised land.
The details... well God will work those things out. I'm just gonna go for it.
Just as we were about to get up from the table and grab a tuk tuk home, I heard a small voice ask, "Buy my book?"
I've probably heard that almost as often as I've heard "Tuk Tuk? Moto?" this month. Which could be up to a hundred times a day, depending on how long I'm out in public. The deep red and dark orange lights in the restaurant were glowing dimly. I looked at his face and he smirked. He asked again, "Buy my book?" I asked what his name was.
Ani
Ani is a wise-guy. First he was 12, then he was 17 born in '93. I'm not sure why, but all of the children say that they are 12 whether they look 18 or 6. Telling a tourist that you were born in '93 is also a common lie-- because that makes them just above the illegal age for a child to be working. He told us that he works from 7am to midnight. I told him I did not want to buy his book to which he responded, "I'm very hungry."
It took at least 8 minutes to convince him to sit and eat with us, mostly because there were 4 men watching him from outside the restaurant. They gawked in at Ani as he sat down reluctantly with four white strangers. He sat down, then he'd get up again, go outside, talk to one of the men, then come back inside and sit down. This probably happened at least 30 times from the moment I ordered him his favorite meal: Tom Yam Soup and a Coke, until the moment he finished eating.
Our conversation was funny. He talked about his hungry family, about playing soccer, and about his work. He was very nervous, and we knew he was lying at least 90% of the time. I just wanted to know the truth.
I wanted to know who those men were. I asked them, and they just walked away. I wanted to know who he worked for. I wanted to know what would happen if he didn't sell any books. I wanted to know how old he really was, and if he really went to school. I wanted to know who those men worked for.
I just wanted to know how it all worked. I didn't want to hurt anyone or turn anyone in-- but there was no way this kid was going to trust me or give me any accurate information.
So we just enjoyed dinner. We laughed and he ate, and then he left.
My life is full of moments like that. Moments where I am sitting at the same table as the injustices that my heart breaks for. Moments where I want to be able to love deeply and maybe even be a part of changing someone's life... instead... we just sit there and laugh together.
------------------
When he left, a Swiss man, probably in his late 50's leaned over from the table to our right and asked me, "Are you married?" I was baffled for a moment and then repeated his question, "Am I married?" "No, I don't care if you're married. Are you American?" "Oh!" I laughed with relief, "Yes, we are Americans."
He and a stunning Brazilian woman pulled up chairs and joined us for a while. They are on an amazing trip- going from Vienna to Brazil in a year. Their goal is to get there without ever having gotten on a plane. So far, they've experienced a lot. We talked about travel, culture, life, and love. We told them about encountering God's love and how desperately we believe in the hope He has to offer to the world, but they didn't have much to say about that. The conversation was rich and wonderful. They said one thing though that warmed my heart. They told us that there was "something different about us; that much was obvious."
We didn't spout off the gospel to make sure they knew it was the "Jesus" in us. We didn't have to rattle off scripture because we just... well, we were Jesus.
No one was rescued from child trafficking. No one said the sinners prayer. But three people were loved. Just like Jesus loves them. You might not think that's worth very much, and that's fine. But I happen to think it's the most important thing there is.
"Being
unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is
a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has
nothing to eat." -Mother Teresa
Besides being really ridiculously good looking... these two women have a at least 5 things in common.
1. They got it goin' on. I mean really, just look at 'em. 2. They are a part of my beloved Q squad, and have both stolen a piece of my heart. 3. They're sold out for their Father. They've given up jobs, relationships, money, comfort, and everything else we enjoy back in the U.S. to chase the heart of God all over the nations. 4. They're passionate about fighting injustices and living radically. 5. They're in a tough spot.
"Unless we hear from you first thing in the morning with news of where
the remaining support will be coming from, we are going to have to move
forward in getting you plane tickets back home.
We desperately do not want you to have to leave early, but are at that
juncture where we also want to protect you from going into debt."
AIM is a missions organization of financial integrity. They operate in the spirit and in wisdom through all things: including finances. They've set deadlines for World Racers to meet throughout the year to keep racers from going into debt, to make sure the trips are fully funded, and to give God opportunities to show off.
That's exactly what we believe is going to happen. God is going to show off.
In order for these two women to continue on in the next 7 months of the World Race, they need the above mentioned amount in their accounts as of... yesterday. If you would like to give, you can click on the numbers of the amount due, or you can go to their World Race web-pages and support them there.
(How can you say no to those faces? I mean, they're playing with kittens and hugging trees.)
I believe that we function as a body. That means that we contribute to the Kingdom work in different ways. Some with time, some with money, some with other resources... all in different ways at different seasons in our lives. These women have answered their call, and I would love to see the rest of the body answer their call in serving alongside of them financially.
You, my supporters, have blessed my socks off. Giving to these two is a HUGE part in giving to what God is doing through me. These are the people I'm investing my life into. I invest all that I am into them. They need you to invest too. They are changing the world, and you are JUST as much a part of that as the people who are physically in the country doin' the dirty work.
If you can't give financially, but your heart is burdened for these lovely ladies and the work the Lord has them doing, please please please go to battle in prayer for them. We are waiting on a miracle. We're waiting for God to show off.
God knows what He's doing. He is sovereign. That's why I am going to petition and intercede on their behalf, expecting a God-movement. Please join me in that.
Thanks for taking the time to read, pray, and give. I love you all!!
I
save the word “obsessed” for the Lord and the Lord alone. But if I wasn't so
super-spiritual, it might be a word I would use to describe my affections for
MJ. Much like So-Cal burritos, sunflowers, the ocean, and guacamole… MJ has a
chunk of my heart.
You
rock my world
is for sure one of my favorites. I may or may not listen to that song every
single morning. I don't know what it is that happens to me really, but when I
walk out my front door with his smooth vocals, that funky beat and the bumpin'
bass pulsing through my KOSS headphones (with the mini subwoofers)… I feel like
I'm ready to conquer the world. I am ready to rock life.
I
can honestly say that the days of my life that are void of any MJ influence are
slightly less awesome. It's the equivalent of working out with music pumping
you up versus working out in silence. Either way, you can get a good work out
and enjoy yourself… but it's a much more enhanced experience when the music
gets your adrenaline going before you even hit the ground running.
I
think that there are a lot of things in my life like that. Sunflowers, for
example, are 100% guaranteed to make me smile regardless of anything else that
has happened throughout the day. It has never failed. Burritos with guac will
never cease to bring a rush of contentment over my entire being, and have been
known to bring a tear to my eye a time or two. The ocean is one thing that can
make me dance no matter how I'm feeling. The moment that I smell that salty
ocean air, hear the crashing of the waves against the sandy shore, and see the
first glimmer of the sun reflecting off of the water, my whole body perks up
and I just can't wait to sprint out of the car and dance like a madwoman on the
shore until I collapse.
There
are other things like that too. My other favorite Michael (Mr. Buble). Coffee
in a cozy place with good company or a good book. Red wine in the evening at a
local venue with phenomenal live jazz. Long-boarding down the sidewalk on a
really breezy day with a scarf wrapped snugly around my neck. Laughing until my
belly aches with my girls over a cup of tea on the couch that holds a million
memories. My comfy gray Victoria's Secret boy-cut sweat pants (best $45 I ever
spent). Seriously, I could go on.
Love
notes.
All
of those things are little love notes from my Daddy. They always come at the
most perfect times, too. Like on my birthday for the last two years in a
row-- the first time in Romania, and the second in Colorado. Both times, I was
driving down the road with a group of friends, and suddenly, fields and fields
of the most beautiful sunflowers popped up out of nowhere. Birthday love note.
Dr. Pepper is another one (but only when I'm overseas)… and the other day I
mentioned in passing that I was craving one. For you Dr. Pepper loving World
Racers, you KNOW it's near impossible to find it anywhere overseas (probably
why I crave it). Hours later, two of the girls on my squad approached me,
squealing with excitement, and handed me a bag with a Dr. Pepper inside. Love
note.
Things
like that happen pretty often. He romances me. He pursues me.
Then
I come to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. I look around this city and see sadness and
chaos everywhere. Don't get me wrong, the people here are hands down some of
the friendliest people I've ever encountered. There is such beauty about the
culture of this country, and richness to all they've endured together.
But
that's just it. Understatement of this blog: They've endured a lot.
I'll
try not to make this too much of a history lesson, but I've learned a lot about
Cambodia's recent history since I've been here, and it is absolutely not a question of whether or
not it is worth sharing. It is a story that undoubtedly needs to be told. Only
thirty years ago, Cambodia was freed from years of torture and torment. For
five years, from 1970-1975, the country was at war with itself. It's
complicated to try and explain how the government here works, and who was
fighting who in the civil war… and because I know most of you will tune out as
soon as I start typing a bunch of names you don't know, numbers, and
statistics, I'll keep it as simple as possible.
The
Khmer Rouge was a communist sect ruled by Pol Pot. Basically during the 5 year
civil war, they fought to overthrow the existing government which was first
ruled by Sihanouk, and then Lon Nol. It's all really confusing and I'm not 100%
clear on all that happened during these 5 years, but I know that on April 17,
1975 the Khmer Rouge paraded through the city celebrating their victory, ending
the civil war, and declaring freedom in the streets of Cambodia. The people
were both relieved and excited that the war was over as they danced around in
naivety and freedom for the first time in 5 years.
The
celebration only lasted a few hours.
Soon
after their victory, the Khmer Rouge had the entire city of Phnom Penh evacuate
their homes and leave everything behind… along with the rest of the country.
The people were immediately forced into concentration camps surrounded by
electric wires, slave labor in the rice fields, torture chambers that used to
be children's classrooms, interrogation rooms decorated with unspeakable
devices used for obtaining information, or they were sent to the killing fields
to be brutally murdered and then thrown into one of the hundreds of mass
graves. Their babies were torn away from them, thrown into the air to be shot,
or smashed against the trunk of the killing tree. Excuse the graphic
description, but it hardly does justice to the realities of the terror of the
Pol Pot Regime.
During
the four years following the end of the civil war, from 1975-1979, the Pol Pot
Regime ruled Cambodia. I have heard a few different numbers ranging from 1.7
million to 3 million when told how many deaths occurred during that time.
One-fifth of the entire population of Cambodia was slaughtered in the span of 4
years. The Khmer Rouge killed every educated, wealthy, or religious person they
found. They were a movement of the communist dream. They re-educated everyone,
and showed no mercy to those suspected of trying to rebel against the Pol Pot
Revolution.
When
Vietnam liberated them, the country was left in ruin. One of the main leaders
of the Khmer Rouge was sentenced to prison for 35 years in July 2010. That was
JUST THIS YEAR. It has taken 30 years for justice to even begin to come around
full circle, so you can imagine what the economy looks like. With the educated
and the wealthy completely wiped out, there is an unbelievable poverty level,
and you can literally ask any person off the street about the Genocide, and
they will have a personal account of what they went through.
The
other day, Tricia, Andrew and I walked through the school that had been turned
into the largest concentration camp in the country. At least 20,000 people were
tortured and killed there. As we passed through the hallways and rooms lined
with pictures of each of the enslaved, my heart shattered. I looked at each
picture for a few moments, witnessing the extreme fear and pain in their eyes.
Not one of them was anything but terrified. I heard God say as clear as I've
ever heard Him say anything, “That's my son.” “That's my son.” “That's my
daughter.” “That's my son.” “That's my daughter.”
Every
single one.
All
His.
I
walked out of the last torture chamber, sat on a bench outside of the school,
and wept. I broke down and couldn't stop the tears. I mourned and felt the pain
of the country. It was more than overwhelming. The other tourists must have
thought it a bit silly for a strange American girl to be crying over people she
didn't know, and for a country that she really had no ties to. Maybe they
wondered if I had a Cambodian friend that was killed in the camp. I would
probably wonder that. They probably really didn't think anything of it.
But
I was broken.
Then
I think about the sunflowers, my comfy couch and Michael Buble's Christmas
album.I justdon't get it. I don't understand how if I am His child, and they
are His children… how… just… how I live the life I live and how they live the
lives they live.
God wines and dines me, and they endure genocide.
It's hard to make sense of
it all, it's hard to see that God is GOOD in the midst of both situations. I
don't know how all of that works in the spiritual sense. I don't know if it is
because the people are not faithful to the Lord, so he removes His hand from
them, I don't know if it's completely the reign of the enemy over people's
lives…
I don't really understand it all.
I
suppose I am wrestling with the injustices of the world again.
I am wrestling
with God and His goodness again.
I am wrestling with what our role is as the
body of Christ in the midst of all of this… again.
Genocide
is only the beginning. As I mourn the tragedy of millions killed, I am smacked
in the face with dozens of other injustices. There are 24,000 little boys that
sleep on the street every night JUST in Phnom Penh, the capital city. Domestic
violence occurs nightly in nearly every home. Child sex trafficking is running
rampant. Women are sold as sex slaves, and spend their lives as worthless
pieces of temporary pleasure for hundreds upon thousands of lonely men. The
economy is failing, and the government is corrupt. There is little education,
and low moral standards. That's just one country. That's just Cambodia.
When
I encounter people that have walked through a hell I know nothing about, and
when I witness a country that has been devastated by the hand of the enemy,
spouting off fluffy Christian words just doesn't do it for me anymore. God is
here. He hasn't abandoned or forsaken these people. I want to know what HE is
doing and what HE is saying NOW. That is where there is power. It is in moving
in the spirit day in and day out. It is focusing on the one that has been set
before you-- "the child asking for a bottle of water, the kids selling bracelets
on the street, the man with no legs or arms selling books for survival. Places
like this don't need comfy cozy church words. They need the mighty power of the
one true living God. They need to encounter the Healer, Savior, Redeemer, and Restorer.
They need to meet the Holy Spirit. They need to meet True Love.
Pray
for Q squad as we seek the Lord and what He is doing in each of the countries
we visit. We are here to bring real, powerful God-encounters to the nations
that are crying out desperately.
Cambodia
is not the only place that needs to encounter the Living God. It's all around
you. Let's be a part of bringing the broken into a romance with the King of
Kings. Show them what it's like to be pursued the way that our creator has
pursued us. We are a part of the way that the Lord is pursuing His children. We
are His body. If God had hands, what would He use them for? Well, He does have
hands. YOU are His hands. If God had feet… a voice… eyes… arms… how would He
use them? He does. You are His body. I know you've heard that before-- it's in
the bible, it's in Casting Crowns worship songs-- it can become a little
powerless and redundant. Take a moment to really let that sink in, to really
let that revolutionize your life.
If
the God of the Universe had a body, what would He do with it?
I
think back on MJ's song You rock my world, and I think the body of Christ should do that
for God. We should rock His world. That's probably not okay to say, maybe it's
a little proud or presumptuous… but I kinda like that thought. God rocks my
world all the time. I think I want to try to rock His. I want to get to heaven
one day and hear God say:
“Well done my good and faithful servant, you rock my world.”
You
rock my world
Cambodia's recent history since I've been here, and it is absolutely not
